just wondering again - it doesnt matter how it works - it works and that is most important :) tons of shit happened tons of shit tried to get hold of me but guess what - it has an amazing ability to sort itself out it always works out in the end lessons learned :) wisdom gained :) no grudges :) it just works and i know one thing for sure it will always work perfectly well - i just have to let it :) no stubborn obstinacy no taking bullcrap hi and bye are both equally valuable i am glad i got so strong i am happy that nobody is able to destroy my peace any more i guess sometimes you have to go swimming in shit, hit rock bottom and then get out to have a beautiful shower i did it ! I DID IT!!! so glad :)